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Wish granted. Guess when the apocolypse is planned.

I wish I could have talked with my friend longer today.

wish granted but you talked so long that you got in a fight and they never want to talk to you again. Should have hung up when you had the chance.

I wish for my chores to be done when I get home from work.

wish granted, but the person who your chores for you demands a huge amount of money paid or he'll destroy everything

I wish I knew everything...literally

Wish granted... You know only "everything" (the word), literally... :-P

I wish more people understand me...

Wish granted. More people understand you. Those people, unfortunately are all patients at the local psychiatric facility.

I wish I was financially secure.

Granted. You're buried in concrete, and when it hardens into a block, get used as a foundation stone for a new bank.

I wish weeds wouldn't grow in my garden.

Wish granted. I've salted the earth for you. Now NOTHING will grow in your garden.

I wish my friends weren't so busy.

Wish granted; they have all the time in the world to find out who an how you really are, and, errmmmm... well, let me put it like this: who needs friends..?

I wish I could find a suitable job.

Granted. YOu find a job which is suitable.....
for someone else.

I wish that I had had dinner before drinking those beers.

wish granted. You did ask for the dog's dinner?!

I wish that I wasnt mad at myself