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Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Okay, just to even things up... Why It's Good to be a Man Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. You don't have to shave below your neck. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president (of where you're born). You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone doesn't notice your new haircut. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky looking. Same work ... more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch (from either end) is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one small wheely-bag. You can open all your own jars. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices or cares. Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without anyone thinking, "He must be mad at me." You don't mooch off other's desserts. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Your powerful belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife or your teeth. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp This is for anyone who's on a diet:- New Diet Rules 1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out. 3. When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat the same amount. 4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream. 5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears. 6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage. 7. If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count. 8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off. 9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa. 10. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward. |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Great diet rules rosa :rotfl: I just found this and thought i should share this with you :biggrin: Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship? A: Women cook, men eat. Women clean, men get dirty. Women iron, men wrinkle. Q: How are men like noodles? A: They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough. Q: How do men exercise at the beach? A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. Q: What is the best way to get a man to do sit-ups? A: Put the remote control between his toes. Q: What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner? A: When the power goes off. Q: How are men like diplomas? A: You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it. |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Love it Nor and so true :lol9: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp That was great Jan, Norway, and rosalie! Another one for the printer!!! |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Thank you Nef Dictionary for women Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner." Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church. Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks. Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms. Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game. Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase. Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store. Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician." Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon. Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..." Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...! Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide. Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers." Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it. Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp :rotfl: great one again rosa... I especially like the one about grocery list, as i do that all the time :lol: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Thanks Nor, I do that too and end up buying stuff I don't need and have to go out to the local shop to get the things I did want! :lol9: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp :rotfl: I know what you mean, it is rather expencive to shop like that too :lol: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Yes it is, but it does get you out of the house for a little while! :lol9: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp OMG rosalie!!! That was so funny and every one of them true!!!:biggrin: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp LOL!!!!! Too Funny! Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ), I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: [Check all those that apply] ___ Your breasts are bigger than mine. ___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. ___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing. ___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality. ___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one. ___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants. ___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of Your Own beer gut, was inappropriate. ___ You failed the credit check. ___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing. ___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable. ___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation. ___ You still live with your parents, and attending night classes to get your High School diploma, are slight negatives. ___ You mention your ex-wife's name more than you mention mine. |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp I shall have to copy that one Ligeia! :biggrin: Parenting Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first. Your Clothes 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. --------------- Preparing for the Birth 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. --------------- The Layette 1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? --------------- Worries 1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. --------------- Pacifier 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. --------------- Diapering 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. 2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed. 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. --------------- Activities 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, BabySwing, and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner. --------------- Going Out 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. --------------- At Home 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. --------------- Swallowing Coins 1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays. 2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass. 3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!! |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp :lol: rosalie those were great, it kind of makes me feel sorry for those who are 3rd in line though (i'm not however :jossun: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp TYVM Ligeia and rosalie! My printer is getting quite a workout with these and the ones I have copied from Norway and Jan. My girlfriends are going to love these!!!:biggrin: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Sorry if this has been posted before... 30 Dumb Facts About Men 1. Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it's never used. 2. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss. 3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there. 4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time,who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost. 5. How are men like commercials? You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds. 6. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini. 7. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. 8. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature. 9. What did God say after creating man? I can do better. 10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business. 11. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist. 12. If men got pregnant .... Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows. 13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed. 14. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room. 15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove. 16. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable." 17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it. 18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife? Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!" 19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children. 20. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it. 21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. 22. Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence. 23. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. 24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk. 25. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. 26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him. 27. Why do bachelors like smart women? Opposites attract. 28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time. 29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. 30. What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women. |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp LOL!!! Those are funny :) Men Are Like... ... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why. ... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. ... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long. ... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say. ... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory. ... Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere. ... Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it. ... Curling Irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair. ... Government Bonds. They take way too long to mature. ... Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong. ... Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright. ... Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. ... Parking Spots. The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small. ... Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while. ... Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp 1 Attachment(s) |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Yippy it is friday again :biggrin: Lets start it off with some simple excercise ;) some might call it dirty dancing :lol: http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m.../Sexydance.gif |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Yay Nor I love Frank Skinner he's so funny! :rotfl: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Oh is that his name, i didnt know that :lol: Well after all that dancing we need some shower/bath dont you agree?? Spoiler: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Ooooh yes please! Me first :biggrin: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Steady girl.....there is enough for the both of us ;) http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m...k/gallery1.jpg |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp wow, double the fun and double the pleasure ;) |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Sure is hon :biggrin: and then we can all act like angels after :lol: http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m...yMaleAngel.jpg |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp How could we act like angels with him!!!!:drool: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp :rotfl: I know it is not easy, but you have to try your best ;) |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Ok I'll try to calm myself down!! :drool: Nope it's not working :lol9: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Where did you get that picture of me?? :lol9: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp :rotfl: wouldnt you like to know ;) I caught you in a "busy" moment :lol: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp I wondered what that flash of light was coming from the cupboard! :lol9: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Yep....sneaking around with my camera...... nobody is safe for me ;) |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp 1 Attachment(s) Ha! caught ya!!! :biggrin: Attachment 28865 |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Oh no...... You caught me in such a bad moment :blush: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp 1 Attachment(s) |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Yeah that is probably the best ;) Spoiler: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp 1 Attachment(s) |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Ohhh but that is not my man.....you must be confused girl ;) This is my man....... http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m...kk/sanders.jpg (back to Fridays hunk now :winky: :lol:) |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Maybe i should just have keept my glasses on :lol: Nice pic though, i bet it is one that you have taken :rotfl: |
Re: The Girlies Only Thread......[Guys Keep Out] :ppppp Yeah I told you there was building work going on near me! :lol9: |
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