How Men Can Make Women Happy - The Point System...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.

* Do something she likes and you get points.
* Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
* You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
* Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed: +1
* You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows: 0
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -1
* You leave the toilet seat up: -5
* You replaced the toilet paper roll when it is empty: 0
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex: -1
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom: -2
* You go out and buy her extra-light pantyliners with wings: +5
* In the snow: +8
* But return with beer: -5
* You check out a suspecious noise at night: 0
* It turns out to be nothing: 0
* It turns out to be something: +5
* You pummel it with a six iron: +10
* It is her pet dog/cat: -10


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS AT A PARTY

* You stay by her side the entire party: 0
* You stay for a while, then go and chat with a college buddy: -2
* Named Tiffany: -4
* Tiffany is a dancer: -6
* Tiffany has implants: -8


ON HER BIRTHDAY

* You take her out to dinner: 0
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1
* Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
* And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3
* And your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10


A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

* You go with a gal pal: -5
* The pal is happily married: -4
* Or frighteningly single: -7
* And she drives a Mustang: -10
* With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED: -15


A NIGHT OUT

* You take her to a movie: +2
* You take her to a movie she likes: +4
* You take her to a movie you hate: +6
* You take her to a movie you like: -2
* It's called Death Cop 9: -3
* Which features cyborgs that eat humans: -9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans: -15


YOUR PHYSIQUE

* You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it: +10
* You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and shirts: -30
* You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too": -800


COMMUNICATION - WHEN SHE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT A PROBLEM

* You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0
* You listen for over 30 minutes: +5
* Without looking at the TV once: +100
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep: -20


THE BIG QUESTION -- SHE ASKS YOU "DO I LOOK FAT?"

* You hesitate in responding: -10
* You reply, "Where?": -35
* Any other response: -20