Okay, first of all, that was what I wanted the extra time off to do anyway, Jimbo!

Second, I really don't think it's okay to be snide about the Carrot Top oeuvre: the man is a thespian! A voice for our times! A genius.

Untainted turkey has no savor, but okay, granted. Unfortunately for you, the turkey you ate was connected. The family comes after you, and you suffer a grisly and protracted death from slow pecking.

I wish I had an untainted CHEESE sandwich right now.