13 ways to escape or contact help when stranded on a deserted island

1. build a really big fire on the beach and hope someone sees it
2. dig a really deep hole and escape at the other end of the globe
3. build a raft
4. Rope yourself a couple of sea turtles, lash 'em together and make a raft.
5. swim and hope for the best
6. Build a radio out of coconuts and hope Gilligan doesn't trip into it, destroying your work.
7. Use sticks and rocks to build a big SOS sign
8. Try to open the hatch.
9. Flare gun
10. Message in a bottle.
11. look for other human life on the island and pray they're not headhunters and cannibals
12. find a crashed ship or plane and hope the radio works
13. google for a walkthrough

13 issues I've had quite enough of in the daily news

1. Paris Hilton