I left the gas on in a poor man's attempt at getting rid of those roaches. Well, they think that in a strange twist of fate, a line of ants was walking past my window carrying little shards of glass that focused the sun's rays to white hot points which increased the temperature to an explosive level. So, I was wondering if you maybe needed a roommate for a bit?

I intentionally dropped your stamp collection down the gap between the hall and the elevator because...